My Birth Story: Here Comes Life
Birth is not only about babies. Birth is about making mothers - strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength. - Barbara Katz Rothman
Giving birth was definitely the most physically painful experience I have ever had in my life. It was also very draining mentally and emotionally. However, it was also physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually enriching. It was EMPOWERING.
Around 8:30 PM, I went the comfort room again and saw my mucus plug removed. Another sign! I got even more excited and had to broadcast it to everyone. To quicken my labor, my husband and I decided to walk around and go up and down the stairs near the restaurant. We just can't wait any longer! Based on research, there could be a chance that we would still have to wait for a few days or even weeks before give birth. But I did hope that it won't be the case for us.
"Unfortunately, your membrane was already ruptured," the resident doctor added. That worried me a little. She asked me if water was already leaking early on and I explained that I did observe something wet on my underwear when I was still in the office. I have experienced the same thing with my mucus plug removal and bloody show. Apparently, it was something that we should be concerned about.
I tried to handle it by breathing heavily and loudly. After some time, it worked. My husband was there for me to hold tight as well but due to my attempts to move somehow despite the restrictions, whatever attached me to the fetal monitor kept falling. The nurse advised me to move less and to reserve my energy for pushing later since I was breathing too loudly.
All I could think about then was that I was not getting the gentle birth I wanted. Initially, I did get it when they allowed me to go to our room and use my birthing ball. But at that moment, it was just too difficult to go through the labor pain. But I was constantly being reminded that should I move further with a ruptured membrane, my baby may get contaminated or something.
At one point, I had a really strong contraction and I felt something exploded under me. A nurse instantly checked and exclaimed, "Meconium!"
Upon hearing that, I got scared. "My baby pooped already?" I asked.
Surprisingly, the nurses were calm. "Nothing to worry about since we're closely monitoring the baby," one of the said.
I was relieved. I continued to pray for my baby to come out already and for this to be over.
I was at eight cm when I was last examined. Every time I couldn't bear it anymore and I feel like pooping, they'd do an internal examination on me. But my dilation was not moving that much.
Finally, when I was examined again, the resident doctor pulled out her phone to call someone. "Hi, Doc. She's fully dilated now."
It was so hard not to push but I knew I should stop myself from pushing or I'll lose all the energy when I do need to start pushing. And when I would push so that it won't hurt, the doctor would scold me not to push yet. Mind you, she did not shout at me but I needed that scolding.
My OB arrived at around 7:45 AM. I was so happy I wanted to get this over with. When they instructed me to start pushing during my contractions, I gave it with all my might.
My husband was peeking. "I can see his head. Keep pushing, babe," he exclaimed. "We're going to see him soon!"
Excitement rushed through me upon hearing that though it felt like nothing was happening every time I push. My OB did say though that I was doing great and kept pushing I did.
There was a time when I pushed so hard but it turned out I needed to poop. I was thinking twice if I should include that one but that's the reality of giving birth.
I did my job of pushing every time I felt a contraction. My husband was still at my side. "Push, babe as if you were doing a one-rep max deadlift," he would coach me. With this in mind, I couldn't help scream when pushing since I tend to scream every time I would do a one-rep max lift.
The OB would often remind him to stay just behind me but he would sometimes take a peek to check our baby's head. He was probably too excited... and stubborn.
Everyone was busy in their own tasks as I continued to push and scream. The screaming was tiring but it was helping me. My husband was cheering on me. My OB kept telling me I was doing a good job, encouraging me to go on.
"I'm going to have to do an episiotomy to help your baby," she told me and I nodded. I wasn't even sure if she could see me.
At my last, strong push, I felt them pull my baby. And his cry filled the room. I felt relieved, excited, happy and tired at the same time.
At 8:30 in the morning, Axel Zain Sylim Allanigue was born to make the world a crazier place. I couldn't wait to hold him. Finally, after hours of labor and pushing... The heaven I have been fighting for!
I watched as they pat dry my baby a bit, still unable to see his face. I knew it should be a quick one since they're not supposed to completely clean the vernix off. Finally, they placed him on my chest and I was surprised at how gorgeous he was then (and is still is!). I can also feel my husband's excitement when he saw our baby.
Part of the unang yakap experience was to initiate breastfeeding. There were some birth experience I have heard of wherein they let the baby crawl to the breast. For my experience, a nurse assisted my baby to my breast. I just had to add that prior to latching my baby to my breast, my husband squeezed my nipple which in response, squirted milk.
Prior to giving birth, I had everything planned on how I wanted things to happen. The research I made was as if I were preparing for my thesis. My husband and I even attended a birthing class, arranged our birth plans with my OB and packed our hospital bags just waiting until the actual day. But things may not always go as planned. That does not mean though that things are worse and not better.
April 12, 2016
I was only at 38 weeks and 6 days gestational age and it was my brother's birthday. Ever since we found out about my estimated due date based on my earliest transvaginal ultrasound, I had been praying and talking to my little one to make his presence on this same day. It would just be cool to have him on the same day as his soon-to-be-godfather-then's birthday.
I even took a vacation leave and scheduled an OB visit on this day, hoping that it would be the day. But after doing my first IE (internal examination) throughout my pregnancy which happened to be unpleasant, the observation was that my cervix was still closed and my baby's head had not effaced yet.
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| Reference on cervical dilation and effacement |
I kind of understood my baby boy on this one though. Honestly, I was being impatient but he knew better. Chatting with a fellow first time mom who experienced gentle birthing helped made me be reminded that he'd come out when he's ready and I just had to trust him. But believe it or not, this impatience led me back to the gym.
April 13, 2016
At exactly 39 weeks, I was still able to come to work, and go through my usual routine. My baby's kicking was something I was already used to.
My relatives and I had plans for the evening. We were about to have a send off dinner for my cousin, Pam who was about to go back to the USA at that time.
Around 6:00 in the evening, about an hour before I was about to be picked up by my husband, I went to the comfort room to pee and was surprised to see bits of blood on the toilet. All I could think about then was, "Is this it?!" It was the first sign that I may be about to go into labor. I could not contain my excitement I had to tell my husband and my OB about it. I also noticed something wet on my underwear with no smell and informed my OB. Her advice was for me to change underwear and keep observing if it will still recur.
When we arrived in Sarsa BGC for our dinner, my relatives were all teasing me that I should give birth now then and there. I couldn't help but laugh at them though that would exciting to have them around while I'm in labor.
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| "Baby, come out na!" Photo c/o Ninong Samuelson Sylim |
Around 8:30 PM, I went the comfort room again and saw my mucus plug removed. Another sign! I got even more excited and had to broadcast it to everyone. To quicken my labor, my husband and I decided to walk around and go up and down the stairs near the restaurant. We just can't wait any longer! Based on research, there could be a chance that we would still have to wait for a few days or even weeks before give birth. But I did hope that it won't be the case for us.
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| Family group shot after dinner Photo c/o Samuelson Sylim |
We had arrived home at around 10:30 PM and I still was not feeling anything different. I expected to feel a bit more pain, a bit more movement or any indication that I was already in labor. I even told my husband that if there would be no pain, I'd still go to work. We'd joke about this later on after the outcome.
At around 11:30 PM, I went to the comfort room to pee and I saw blood with it. Almost all the signs were finally there! One last thing that needed to happen was the labor pain. I reported it to my OB and to my mom through a text message. They both advised me to sleep. My husband then was already asleep so I slipped beside him and closed my eyes.
Even if I tried, I just couldn't get myself to slumber especially with everything that had happened. Slowly, I started to feel something. At first, I felt something heavy on my uterus until the sensation mimics that of having a dysmenorrhea. With my best effort, I attempted to ignore it and rest but the pain was soon becoming unbearable.
APRIL 14, 2016
It was midnight, around 12:40 AM when I decided to text my OB and my mom again. Only my mom replied and told me to try to sleep. Being the most logical thing to do at that time, I closed my eyes, hoping to sleep through it. Apparently, I truly was on my early labor already and there's no way around it.
After a few minutes of tossing, turning and curling into a ball because of the pain, I decided to forego sleep. While doing hip rotations on my birth ball to ease the pain, I also started timing contractions. Surprisingly, my contractions already lasted around 30 seconds to 1 minute at around 5 minutes interval.
At 3:00 in the morning, I shook my husband awake and explained to him my situation. We agreed that it was time to go. In case that the my cervix had not yet dilated enough for me to get admitted, we can always just go home. Manila Adventist Medical Center was just a few minutes away from our place anyway. The contractions were bearable but strong. Carrying one of our hospital bags and moving around definitely helped me manage them.
Arriving at the hospital - Medical Center Manila
The great thing about going to the hospital at dawn was that there was not much vehicles in sight. The parking lot with its less cars than usual with no line for parking was a very welcoming sight to us.
As instructed by my OB, we went straight to the maternity section located at the 2nd floor through the stairs. We did not bring anything yet except for our information sheet and medical records since we were not sure if we would stay or they'd ask us to go home first. Upon our arrival, we explained that I have been having contractions every 5 minutes. One of the nurses led me to one of the delivery rooms so that they could do an IE on me again. According to the clock right in front of me where I was lying down, it was already 3:30 in the morning.
After a few minutes, the resident doctor had arrived and examined me. "Three cm," she said. "We will be admitting you now."
Relief rushed through me. Soon, I was about to meet my baby! I was initially worried that I may be just exaggerating and what I was going through was just braxton hicks.
There was a lot of things going into my head but the labor pain distracted me again. It reminded me that I have to go through hell first before I experience heaven. Well, not the mentality they taught in birthing class but I had never gone through as much pain as going through labor. I also hated it when doctors had to do an IE on me.
There was a lot of things going into my head but the labor pain distracted me again. It reminded me that I have to go through hell first before I experience heaven. Well, not the mentality they taught in birthing class but I had never gone through as much pain as going through labor. I also hated it when doctors had to do an IE on me.
"Unfortunately, your membrane was already ruptured," the resident doctor added. That worried me a little. She asked me if water was already leaking early on and I explained that I did observe something wet on my underwear when I was still in the office. I have experienced the same thing with my mucus plug removal and bloody show. Apparently, it was something that we should be concerned about.
Into the Labor Room
Afterwards, the same nurse led me to the labor room with two beds placed on opposite sides. I changed into the hospital gown provided to me and lied down on the bed near the door. I asked for my husband and they said that he had been informed about it. As advised, he already went to process the papers for our admission. They had also talked to my OB and she'd be arriving once fully dilated.
One of the nurses started attaching me to an IV that I had to declare my agreement with my OB. We discussed that I will be attached to a removable IV so I could stand up and move around as I please. Unfortunately, the nurses were not that agreeing due to my amniotic sac case. They also injected antibiotics on my IV since I had been leaking for at least 12 hours already. I wanted to argue but I was already feeling weak.
The contractions were so unbearable to me. All I wanted then was to be able to move around but I had to be lying down with the fetal monitor also attached to me.
One by one, the nurses and some of the medical staff started interviewing me, asking the same questions over and over again. All I could think about then was, how could I have forgotten my information sheet? I could have just given those and not bother answering the repetitive inquiry. But, at the same time, I was thankful for the distraction from my strong contractions.
One of the nurses approached me again and told me that they are conducting some sort of study in relation to the effect of soothing music to the contractions. She asked me if I were okay to be part of it and I agreed. To start with, she sat down beside and said a little prayer while I breath through my contractions. Afterwards, she plugged an MP3 player to my ears which was filled with soothing music. I was left alone for a few minutes.
One of the earphones were not working but the music definitely helped me. All I could think about was, how could I have not brought my cellphone?! The music could have helped me through the pain. After some time, the nurse took the MP3 phone and asked me to answer a survey. She also asked me if the music helped because my strong contractions lessened. I had to agree with her.
I can't remember when my husband was finally popped in as it took a while for him to process the papers. I was too busy managing my labor pain that and trying to get used to my environment that I couldn't think much when he will come to be with me. I also noticed that the wall clock was placed right in front of me and wondered if it was to help the woman in labor keep track of the time.
I did remember asking the nurses if I could have my birth ball to help me with my labor. I couldn't remember though the exact time I asked for it. The nurse assured me that they would ask for my OB's permission and after a while, they informed me that my wish was granted.
With the birthing ball, I'd do hip rotations through my contractions. There was a time that using the birthing ball no longer worked that I had to ask for my husband's assistance. I'd lean my hips on his and we'd sway and rotate our hips together. We were both tired as well since we had no sleep yet and thankfully, we were able to sleep even just a little. I couldn't believe I was able to sleep through my contractions but it wasn't easy going on labor early in the morning.
Throughout my labor, all I could pray was to reach full dilation so I could finally push my baby out. I was so tired and it was just so painful. My husband was constantly reassuring me, reminding me that every pain would bring us closer to meeting our baby.
I have been examined internally more than once but somehow, I got stuck at six cm for a while. Eventually, the nurse told me that I should go back to the labor room so I could be attached to the fetal monitor again. She said that we needed that so we could closely observe my baby.
One of the nurses started attaching me to an IV that I had to declare my agreement with my OB. We discussed that I will be attached to a removable IV so I could stand up and move around as I please. Unfortunately, the nurses were not that agreeing due to my amniotic sac case. They also injected antibiotics on my IV since I had been leaking for at least 12 hours already. I wanted to argue but I was already feeling weak.
The contractions were so unbearable to me. All I wanted then was to be able to move around but I had to be lying down with the fetal monitor also attached to me.
It is said that women in labor leave their bodies... they travel to the stars to collect the souls of their babies, and return to this world together."
- anonymous
One by one, the nurses and some of the medical staff started interviewing me, asking the same questions over and over again. All I could think about then was, how could I have forgotten my information sheet? I could have just given those and not bother answering the repetitive inquiry. But, at the same time, I was thankful for the distraction from my strong contractions.
One of the nurses approached me again and told me that they are conducting some sort of study in relation to the effect of soothing music to the contractions. She asked me if I were okay to be part of it and I agreed. To start with, she sat down beside and said a little prayer while I breath through my contractions. Afterwards, she plugged an MP3 player to my ears which was filled with soothing music. I was left alone for a few minutes.
One of the earphones were not working but the music definitely helped me. All I could think about was, how could I have not brought my cellphone?! The music could have helped me through the pain. After some time, the nurse took the MP3 phone and asked me to answer a survey. She also asked me if the music helped because my strong contractions lessened. I had to agree with her.
I can't remember when my husband was finally popped in as it took a while for him to process the papers. I was too busy managing my labor pain that and trying to get used to my environment that I couldn't think much when he will come to be with me. I also noticed that the wall clock was placed right in front of me and wondered if it was to help the woman in labor keep track of the time.
I did remember asking the nurses if I could have my birth ball to help me with my labor. I couldn't remember though the exact time I asked for it. The nurse assured me that they would ask for my OB's permission and after a while, they informed me that my wish was granted.
In our private room with the birthing ball
In the midst of my labor pain, I was brought to our private room where my birthing ball awaited me. In there, my husband and I were left alone in peace. For the first time, I felt relieved. With just me, my husband and the birthing ball in the room, we managed through my contractions the way we learned it in our birthing class and the way we practiced it at home.With the birthing ball, I'd do hip rotations through my contractions. There was a time that using the birthing ball no longer worked that I had to ask for my husband's assistance. I'd lean my hips on his and we'd sway and rotate our hips together. We were both tired as well since we had no sleep yet and thankfully, we were able to sleep even just a little. I couldn't believe I was able to sleep through my contractions but it wasn't easy going on labor early in the morning.
Throughout my labor, all I could pray was to reach full dilation so I could finally push my baby out. I was so tired and it was just so painful. My husband was constantly reassuring me, reminding me that every pain would bring us closer to meeting our baby.
I have been examined internally more than once but somehow, I got stuck at six cm for a while. Eventually, the nurse told me that I should go back to the labor room so I could be attached to the fetal monitor again. She said that we needed that so we could closely observe my baby.
Back to the labor room
Mixed emotions filled me when I returned to the labor room, dreading the idea that I would not be able to freely move again. As soon as I was placed back on the same bed, the contractions continuously kicked in more frequently as expected. I had to grip through the handrail as I did not know how to manage the pain without moving. I hated being attached to a bed.I tried to handle it by breathing heavily and loudly. After some time, it worked. My husband was there for me to hold tight as well but due to my attempts to move somehow despite the restrictions, whatever attached me to the fetal monitor kept falling. The nurse advised me to move less and to reserve my energy for pushing later since I was breathing too loudly.
All I could think about then was that I was not getting the gentle birth I wanted. Initially, I did get it when they allowed me to go to our room and use my birthing ball. But at that moment, it was just too difficult to go through the labor pain. But I was constantly being reminded that should I move further with a ruptured membrane, my baby may get contaminated or something.
At one point, I had a really strong contraction and I felt something exploded under me. A nurse instantly checked and exclaimed, "Meconium!"
Upon hearing that, I got scared. "My baby pooped already?" I asked.
Surprisingly, the nurses were calm. "Nothing to worry about since we're closely monitoring the baby," one of the said.
I was relieved. I continued to pray for my baby to come out already and for this to be over.
I was at eight cm when I was last examined. Every time I couldn't bear it anymore and I feel like pooping, they'd do an internal examination on me. But my dilation was not moving that much.
Finally, when I was examined again, the resident doctor pulled out her phone to call someone. "Hi, Doc. She's fully dilated now."
Fully Dilated - Ready to Push!
It was as if the heaven had opened up with that angelic triumphant song. We're almost there! I asked desperately if I could start pushing me but the resident doctor shook her head and told me that the baby is still getting into position and that we have to wait for my OB.It was so hard not to push but I knew I should stop myself from pushing or I'll lose all the energy when I do need to start pushing. And when I would push so that it won't hurt, the doctor would scold me not to push yet. Mind you, she did not shout at me but I needed that scolding.
My OB arrived at around 7:45 AM. I was so happy I wanted to get this over with. When they instructed me to start pushing during my contractions, I gave it with all my might.
My husband was peeking. "I can see his head. Keep pushing, babe," he exclaimed. "We're going to see him soon!"
Excitement rushed through me upon hearing that though it felt like nothing was happening every time I push. My OB did say though that I was doing great and kept pushing I did.
There was a time when I pushed so hard but it turned out I needed to poop. I was thinking twice if I should include that one but that's the reality of giving birth.
Into the Delivery Room
At some point, they started wheeling me to the delivery room. When we reached it, they asked me to transfer to another bed, all while continuously pushing through my contractions. I had time to wander my eyes around the new surrounding and was surprised how different it was to the other delivery room I was brought to when I was first checked how far I was already. The delivery room I was in at that moment was more sleek.I did my job of pushing every time I felt a contraction. My husband was still at my side. "Push, babe as if you were doing a one-rep max deadlift," he would coach me. With this in mind, I couldn't help scream when pushing since I tend to scream every time I would do a one-rep max lift.
The OB would often remind him to stay just behind me but he would sometimes take a peek to check our baby's head. He was probably too excited... and stubborn.
Everyone was busy in their own tasks as I continued to push and scream. The screaming was tiring but it was helping me. My husband was cheering on me. My OB kept telling me I was doing a good job, encouraging me to go on.
Giving birth and being born brings us into the essence of creation, where the human spirit is courageous and bold and the body, a miracle of wisdom.
- Harriette Hartigan
"I'm going to have to do an episiotomy to help your baby," she told me and I nodded. I wasn't even sure if she could see me.
At my last, strong push, I felt them pull my baby. And his cry filled the room. I felt relieved, excited, happy and tired at the same time.
At 8:30 in the morning, Axel Zain Sylim Allanigue was born to make the world a crazier place. I couldn't wait to hold him. Finally, after hours of labor and pushing... The heaven I have been fighting for!
The Birth of Axel Zain
He was crying at first but eventually, he calmed down. I would like to think that he recognized me and knew that I'm his mother. I couldn't stop looking at him.
It felt surreal to finally have my son with me and my husband. It was an amazing gift. They say you'd forget all about the pain once you see your baby. I'd have to say that it was not totally true but it made the pain all worth it.
Cord clamping was also delayed only until about four minutes. I tried to haggle if it can be delayed further but my OB did not agree to it. She kind of scolded me actually.
One of the nurses were commending my husband for a great job on supporting me. And I knew I couldn't have gone through it without him beside me. The whole birthing experience was all about me, my husband and our baby.
One of the nurses were commending my husband for a great job on supporting me. And I knew I couldn't have gone through it without him beside me. The whole birthing experience was all about me, my husband and our baby.
After pictures were taken c/o the hospital's photographer (we paid P700 for the photos), my husband was told that he can already leave and wait outside since they were about to stitch me which may take some time. At first, he wouldn't budge because he still wanted to see our baby but he later on obeyed the nurses.
Let choice whisper in your ear and love murmur in your heart.
Be ready.
Here comes life.
- Maya Angelou
As my baby continued breastfeeding, my OB sedated me as they stitched me so I could rest. It turned out that aside from the episiotomy, I also had about three tears. The local anesthesia was not doing its job as I could still feel every stick of the needle. I tried to focus on my baby who was latching contentedly to divert my attention.
My baby and I were never separated. They instilled the importance of skin-to-skin after giving birth. Bathing my baby and injecting vaccines had been delayed.
The stitching took a while until finally, my baby and I were wheeled outside the delivery room. But I guess that's another story to tell.
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